Acceptance

For a long time, I misunderstood acceptance. I thought accepting a situation meant agreeing with it. That belief made the concept feel impossible. But acceptance isn’t agreement, forgiveness, or passively tolerating harmful behavior. Acceptance is simply acknowledging reality as it is. When we do that, we shift our energy into the present moment, the only place where change is possible. From acceptance comes surrender, and from surrender comes peace.

When we resist acceptance, we’re usually stuck in the past or lost in the future, ruminating and refusing to face what’s happening now. That was me, and I still do this from time to time because hey I am a human being after all! My inability to accept reality fueled my crippling anxiety, suffocating, all-consuming, heart-pounding fear. I lived constantly on edge, desperate to feel safe. There were days I couldn’t even step out of my car to walk into work. I would call Jerome and my mum everyday just to get me through because I didn’t know how to regulate myself.  Panic attacks struck while driving, waves of doom crashing at random. Sleepless nights for years left me wired and unstable, questioning every sensation in my body, convinced something was fundamentally wrong. I sought answers everywhere in tests, brain scans, doctors, diets, hoping for a diagnosis, you name it I’ve probably convinced myself at some point that I’ve had it, just anything to explain what I couldn’t accept.. that I was a prisoner of my own mind and how deeply unsatisfied I was with my life.

I resisted labelling myself with anxiety. I’d say, “I don’t understand how I could have anxiety,” because I didn’t want to face my emotions. Humour became my shield make it light or you’ll cry, right? I had painted myself a certain image and so I hid behind this independent woman I can handle anything, fun, loving, always happy person; I was high functioning at best! Little did anyone know that everyday was like a battlefield for me.

Acceptance is paradoxical. On one hand, it feels like giving up control and on the other, it’s the only way to regain peace and clarity. We live under the illusion that if we “do all the right things” read the books, meditate, follow certain practices, follow order, repeat affirmations, life should unfold according to our plan. But that’s not how it works. There is a higher power at play, a force beyond our control that shapes events in ways we can’t predict. Call it the universe, God, fate whatever resonates with you. The truth is, we are not the architects of every outcome. We influence, but we do not control.

This is where most of us get stuck. We cling to expectations such as if I work hard, heal, and follow the steps, then I’ll feel better. Then life will go smoothly. When reality doesn’t match that script, frustration and resistance grow. We fight what is, thinking we can fix or force it. But acceptance asks us to release that grip to acknowledge that life doesn’t bend to our timelines or formulas.

The very saying is that the very thing we resist will persist and the very thing we don’t want to look at will be the very thing that sets us free. Acceptance doesn’t mean liking what’s happening or agreeing with it. It means saying this is what is. I can’t change the past. I can’t control the future. But I can be here now. And in that space, change becomes possible not because we forced it, but because we stopped fighting reality.

I remember someone once told something I couldn’t quite understand at the time but that one lesson that stuck with me: He said something along the lines “The change you seek lies in how badly it has to hurt before you finally surrender and let go.” I never understood that because why the hell would I choose to suffer that much… until the day I faced my worst panic attack. I couldn’t run anymore. I said out loud, “It’s coming, and I can’t hide.” From that moment, I understood.

It might not make much sense, but I believe we all have a threshold and everyone’s threshold is a different point that we can tolerate until we simply can’t anymore. Until we reach that breaking point, the struggle continues.

For so long, I read books that said things like “Just surrender” or “Learn to let go.” I practiced, I tried, but what those words often leave out is that surrender isn’t easy. It comes with pain. Letting go comes with grief. It’s uncomfortable, and far from the magical, mystical moment we imagine where everything suddenly feels light and effortless. It’s messy and it hurts.

The hard truth is that sometimes we must go deep before we understand, into pain, fear, anxiety, heartbreak, the places we try so hard to avoid. Why? Because transformation doesn’t happen on the surface. It happens when we face what terrifies us, when we stop running and confront it head-on. No number of books, podcasts or listening to someone else’s opinion can substitute for lived experience. You can intellectualise healing forever, but until you feel its rawness and surrender to it, change won’t come.

I’ve come to realise that every book on growth and healing shall we call it should begin with a simple truth, these teachings are only guides. In the end, we each have to figure things out for ourselves. Our lessons may look similar, and we may share common struggles, but the way they unfold and the intensity of them will always be different.

Real change begins when we stop resisting and accept reality as it is. And that will only happen when you’re ready, and life will present you with a challenge big enough to show you that you’re capable of handling it.”